Painful days

I travelled back to France today after a five day sojourn in London. It was a sad journey. I couldn't help feeling that I shouldn't have been making the trip at all, that I should have been staying in London to support Debrah, who is not having a great time in her new-ish job. The Apartment here in Carcassonne feels large and empty here on my own and after five days together I am missing Debrah very much.

As always I enjoyed London and then again I didn't - some things just really annoy me about the place nowadays, probably the same things that annoy everyone else that lives there but they are still in their 'that's the way it is' mindset, as I was for many years myself, whilst now they just depress or annoy me. It's nothing major, just obvious stuff like transport and people and mess and noise.

Debrah often complains about the noise in Carcassonne, especially the kids on their mopeds (I totally agree with that) but I think it is just as noisy if not noisier in London. You get used to different sorts of noise, I guess, so one always notices what's new or different.

Don't get me wrong, I love London but just get very irritated by certain aspects of it these days.

On Monday I went down to Sussex to see my Mum and Dad. Mum is recovering from another operation but she was in good spirits and seemed a lot brighter than the last time I saw her - in fact they both did which was great to see. It is my Mum's 80th birthday at the end of the month so I spent some time discussing and planning events for that, taking her down to the local event hire place to look at crockery and cutlery and glasses etc and telling her I was going to do all the cooking for the event and none of this bought in ready prepared nonsense that others in my family were veering towards. It's her 80th and she has been my father's full time carer for 15 years now and she deserves a fabulous birthday.

The hardest part of being in London was that as soon as the initial euphoria of being together again had subsided thoughts immediately went back to the impending, imminent departure date, which means that we didn't really get to enjoy the last couple of days together. I find that really difficult because I want to treasure and value every hour that we do have together, not spend them looking forward to the next separation.

Oh well, it's not done deliberately but is just an outpouring of emotions. Two more months and then I will be back in London for the winter and we will make our plans for next year (the plans are made but they change every week or so depending on the current mood) and one thing is certain, whatever the plans are they will either be both of us together full time in London or both of us together full time in France - no more weeks apart.

To that end a couple of good conversations happened in the last few days that should result in some new opportunities for me in the next few months that will tie in well with finishing off the season here and finding something to do when I return to the big city.

Life no longer stands still - which is very exciting.